Quick, Everyone!

Twitter is down. I repeat, Twitter is down.

• Step one: Everyone tell me what type of sandwich you’re eating. Use postal mail if necessary.
• Step two: Await uninterrupted updates from CNN for the next week.

Update (3 minutes later): Seems to be back up, though some sporadic slowness. Please properly dispose of your emergency respiratory bags.

Update 2 (1 minute later): NOOOO, it’s still down and now we don’t even have breathing bags.